Hi Diary!!

Hi Diary,

I havent written to you for ages now..
Not that I fell short of words, nor that I dint have time.. But really I dint know if it really mattered... I dont know if any body would care...
I dont know why I have become so much dependent that a smile makes my day and a frown spoils it entirely...
I dont really know why anything I do turns against me.. tell me why?
Normal everyday things I do turn out to bother people I really care about...
I cannot take this anymore...
I so dint want to write any rants or any negative for this new year to you... but tell me what do I do if everything I do turns bad....
I feel like I possess the opposite of the "Midas Touch", as even if I touch gold now, I know it will turn to stone..
I think Murphy had me in mind when we wrote his law...
Everything is going wrong.. no matter how much I try.. no matter how much I think before doing things, I always end up hurting..
I so dont want to... more than hurting others I end up hurting myself as I did not have any intention to hurt...
Tell me why would I hurt people I love?
For once, I am falling short of "sweet nothings and love talkings"..
I can tell others about it, but when it comes to me, things aren't just working..
They say I am a very optimistic person , with a lot of thoughts and ways to make things work and it does work for others... dont know why things arent really working for me...
My apologies dont count, neither does my love..
My loving ways become botherations...
I dont really know what to do..
I hate myself.....

No paintings, no blog posts, no poems.. nothing...
I feel like a piece of crap...

Please make things work God...
I so dont want to quit...
I hope atleast you will stand by me...