#NotYourLove

Cannot sleep with you,

Cannot sleep without you!

Not your love,

Just Insomnia!

#NotYourLove
..Part of a series.. Stay tuned for more..

The tiffin box

An empty tummy, just like an empty vessel makes noises. It aggravates into a monster and then nobody can calm it. Although she knew she was the HANGRY kinds, it took her a lecture from her Mom to tell her to keep her tummy full always - because God couldn't be everywhere he made Mothers!
She loved eating and cooking.. that was a good combination. She believed in cooking and eating from the heart, else the food didn't turn out to be tasty.So when she cooked, she cooked from the heart - one of the many learning taken from Mom and Dad.
The cooker whistled, six, two more to go, she counted. The spices were roasting, spreading their aroma. The milk boiled covered with a thick layer of cream. Now it was time to turn the magic wand and combine them into one. The pulses, the spices, the cream embraced each other and slowly the love potion was getting ready. She loved how everything tasted so good together. Just a pinch of salt, some coriander and wohoo food is ready. It was one of her favorite comfort food.
After dinner, tiffins were packed, she was glad to have a big share. She'd relish it again, a smile spread across her face. Satisfied, she slipped into sleep. There is no love sincerer that the love of food.. and when you are in love, life looks beautiful.
Birds chirped, the sunlight woke her up making a beautiful maze on the walls of her room. The daily chores done and she was ready. She took out her tiffin and lo! it just didn't seem right. She remembered filling it to the brim but all she could see was 4 spoons. She was sad. Nobody should do that :( Why!! The tiffin box made her sad.
Why don't people understand - there is no love sincerer that the love of food.

To make a new start...

If you are reading this, I am really grateful.. I haven't been sincere here... I have had thoughts to pen but they were never written.. When I did actually sit down to write, I did not remember what to and how to... I always had words to say and things to write but I become clueless when I click on 'New Post'.
Putting the negatives behind, I am making a new start. So, while I try to keep my existing hobbies alive - I have started claying and I find it really liberating.. Like a child with a new toy, I invested myself into creating small clay charms. I haven't mastered the art yet but I have made a start and I am happy I did. I also thought of selling these cute little charms, but I do not know the how-when-where? I do not know what to charge for them, I do not know if anyone will want to buy them, I do not think I will be able to sell them in person, I do not know where to get the raw material at a better price - there are way too many unknowns. I have a Facebook page but I haven't made it public yet. I do not know how many minimum pieces do I need to make to showcase my art. Well!!
And so my blogger friends I need help. How do I make a start?

Here are a few of my creations -

Do you like them?
They can be turned into keychains, charms, fridge magnets and a lot more!!!

#MeToo

That time when a relative touched you inappropriately or when a teacher misbehaved, that cat call, that touch in the bus home. Haven't we all at some time in our lives been abused. Some times we didn't understand, sometimes we didn't know what to do even when we understood, sometimes when we spoke, our voices were hushed.. #MeToo
As I go through my Facebook and Twitter posts today, I see my friends, colleagues, acquaintances post the #MeToo hashtag. I am dumbfounded - that girl whom I deemed strong, who stood against the tide and proved herself, even she has been abused. That friend whom I considered the voice of the youth, even she at some time has felt the same. They come out as brave women believe me.
I am scared, scared for girls everywhere. No place is safe - you are not safe in your house, not safe in your school, not safe on the roads , not safe at your workplace. Age is no bar, nor is your dressing sense nor is your marital status. Nothing stops this inhuman ability of people to talk and touch inappropriately.
How difficult is it to understand the word "NO". When someone says it, they mean it. Since when has abusing become a part of amusement? And why doesn't it ever stop. Why is no one spared? I know of people who were abused as kids. What does a baby understand? What would a toddler know about inappropriate touch? Why should a teenage suffer your wrath? Why should a married women be raped? Why should anybody have to suffer? Why cannot we respect our bodies as the holy institution God has made them? Why?
So many questions, but no answers! The aftermath - the marches, the candles lit, the court cases, broken hearts and home! And what do I do as a person at my end to stop this?

No, I do not want to sympathize, neither do I want any sympathy. I do not want to shout our for my rights after the harm is done. I do not want to cry tears of shame when I think about how as a child I was abused and I didn't even know it was abusive then. Term it as feminism or call it 'My Body, My Rules' - the terminology doesn't matter. What matters is unity - we need to stand together against this. We need to be educated and we need to educate. Let us stop the harm before it happens. Let us stand together and let the tormentors know that a 'NO' is a 'NO' and if it is not regarded so, they will be punished.

#MeToo

Venting out...

No matter how many times I promise myself to write regularly to my blog, it just doesn't work that way. And then there are reasons as absurd as possible - there is no chocolate to eat, unicorns do not exist, Fred died and so did Dobby, the sun rose in the East... endless list
But sometimes, I am left speech less. Not that I do not have words, it is just that I am afraid to express and then you my blog are my savior.

There has been a lot going on in my life. More bad than good, so I have been low, really low to the extent that searching motivation some days is like waiting for my Hogwart's letter.. So, let me pen down stuff here. There are times when I am left to cook dinner alone, which is not a problem. What irks me to no end though is not being informed that people will not be having dinner at home. You not helping is a different story, but coming home to a cooked dinner, making us wait and then telling your stomach is full doesn't really help.One, a lot of effort goes in coming home after a full day at work , deciding what to cook and then actually doing the needful. Two, a lot of food is wasted. It is easier to inform people that you won't be dining at home.

When the roles reverse and we inform that we do not want to eat, don't know why it isn't acceptable. Suddenly the spot light is on us and I feel like a dementor is sucking the very life from me. So, you cook for two and I can see that and then we are forced to join you. We already informed we aren't hungry and we know our tastes do not match. But this time, we are under the spot light and I am 100% sure that this supper will be etched  hard into memories and not only you but also our elders will make it a point to tell us we are wrong.

When a doctor forces their kid to become a doctor, when what he/she actually wants to do is sing, the parent is counseled to let the kid have their own way. Every person is different and should be given a choice to decide. Elders shouldn't force on kids their understandings and beliefs. Just because you don't know of the innumerable times I cooked and the food was wasted, you cannot judge me for this one time I did not eat. There are reasons - which I cannot shout out loud. If I were diplomatic and clever, I would have had a bite of everything, complimented and appreciated. But then it wouldn't have been who I am. It doesn't feel right to my heart, so I cannot do this.

If you have been through this, thanks for your patience... Sometimes, it is better to vent out by writing... knowing its out of your system and not confiding to someone in particular.

Waking up a dead blog...

Been a long time.. haven't written a single line here...
Too much work @office, messed up life.. I have all the reasons to not write...
But here I am starting again - coz this is one place where I am who I am - unjudged, unbiased, raw - the real me!

For firsts, the project I was working on ended after a long period of two and a half years. For the first time in my career, I am work-less for a week now. I hurt my wrist and am roaming with a crepe bandage tied to it - the doctor said I need to give it rest, not to use the keyboard and mouse! Yeah right!! I have been reading a lot :) and happily reading!!

Got myself the entire Harry Potter series and I feel so happy each time I see the books peaking through my book rack.

I was lucky to get my hands on novels by Jodi Picoult and I am loving them!! I got them at a buy-books-by-weight exhibition and I am so happy I got them! Planning to buy her entire collection now :)

I started painting.. got myself a canvas and some paints and brush! And painted after 3 years.. Isn't the best from my brush but something is better than nothing!

The doodling is on and will continue I hope...

And I baked a cake for hubby's birthday.. It looked good and I myself was surprised by the outcome!!

Happy to write once more.. Hope I do not dis-continue now!

Another year....

Yet another year without you,
Yet another year yearning for you,
Yet another year trying to reach out to you,
Yet another unsuccessful attempt,
Yet another tear,
Yet another frown..

Little did I know that time doesn't heal,
Little did I know that the years couldn't make me strong..
Little did I know that growing up meant not having you to be with me,
If I was aware,
If I would have known,
I would have surely run away long before you could leave me.


I still dial your cell number - the first ever I learnt.. just to be greeted with an unwelcome voice.
I still look for you in the crowd,
Waiting to be hugged,
Waiting to  be told it will be fine again...
Waiting to hide behind you and never have to face all the issues and problems..
Waiting to smile without worries...
Waiting to be that lil' girl of your's again

But the wait just doesn't end Papa,
It just doesn't...
It doesn't change - we no more feel complete..
I cry on every song we've sung together..
I cringe on every memory
The longing in my eyes doesn't cease to end..

You did not go alone Papa, you took so much with you..
And it 's never gonna be the same without you..

They hurt me Dad, they make me cry..
I stand and fight..
They don't understand why I am the way I am..
Why I don't understand hatred..
Coz you never taught me this...
You loved me in a way that I always felt like the princess of my little world..
Tears would roll even on raised decibels..

You protected me from anything and everything...
But everything is so scary now...
Life has become a maze,where nobody stands by me to love me..
They just wanna have their way Papa...
No smiles are valued, no tears are looked after...

Why did you have to go?
Why did you leave?
I wanna come back in the warmth of our home..
Come back to you Papa...
I always fought all my wars with you by my side,
Now it's too much to be fighting without you Papa...

I wanna talk to you..
Wanna ask you what I do next...
Sometimes breathing without you in the wide world also becomes difficult..
I try being strong - the way you wanted me to be..
But there is a hole, a void... that moment everyday when I cannot control my tears..
When I eagerly wait for you to come home...
For you, mom, kiddo and I sit together and share our day...
For you to make me feel more special than kiddo and then mom to take his side...


I do not wanna live by our memories.. I wanna create new ones with you..
Why are you so stubborn to not come back to us?
Since when did you learn being angry with us?
How has it been possible for you to not talk to us for all these years?
Is it this hard for you too?
Do you also sit back sometimes and think about our lives together...
Is it difficult for you too to control your tears from falling?
Do you also make a tough face for the world but break inside?
Questions but no answers...