Sunday, July 29, 2012

Yipeee, we won!!

So this post comes real late, like a month after we won the second prize at the cooking competition in office. The decision to take part was very very random and unthought of, but thanks to RS and NS, we won.. Yes we did girls... I still can't forget the confused look on RS face when our name was called out and AA had to actually push her past the crowd to join NS and me to take the humble bow.
The rules din't allow usage of gas ,microwave,induction plates etc for cooking. We were supposed to assemble a chaat and a mocktail for the first round(read  cook-something-which-we-had never-done-before) But we managed to clear this round. We made a chaat platter and kiwi-almond mocktail which we gleefully called "Splitzy Splash". The color was mesmerizing and the chaat was tasty.As soon as the judges left and we three were hugging each other , the chaat platter was empty. Take a look.. I made the little white flowers, we'd attached to the stirrers to personalize them.

Jhatpat chatpat- our chaat platter

                                                              The mocktail

We were glad to have cleared the first round but the second round brought more challanges. A dessert and any side dish of our choice, and choices bring challenges I tell you. It ws Ns's plan to cook Cous-Cous, a moroccon dish, and it turned out to be awesome.We named it "Cous-Cous hota hai". The dessert was yummy too.
Cous-Cous hota hai... The Moroccon way..

Gor-geous... For your sweet tooth!!

All smiles after winning !!

Thankyou NS and RS and RS's mommy - Impossible without you. Love you!!

LiTtLe ThInGs I dO oN wEeKeNdS.... pArT 2

                                                             Love is in the air !!

                                                        LUI-DUI-HUI.... Duck Tales!!


                                                            My fish world pillow cover!

Walking alone......

                                                      Glad to be your friend!!  

                                                 Added some color to my white canvas...

                                                       Little birdies on my pillow cover

Shades of grey......

Another letter

Hi Sunshine,
          I will be so thankful to you all my life for lifting me up from the closet I had packed myself into and once again giving me a reason to smile, so what i it was short lived. You chose to be by my side when I was travelling the lonely path. You motivated me each time and mustered in me the strength I needed to get back on track, but alas in the motivation you provided to me, you also gave me a colder heart. Don't really blame you and her for what happened, I understand alcohol works its magic and it did!
          I know you know my past and I am glad that you still stood by me. Really less people do that, or so I guess.You've always been there to cry with me when I cried and make me laugh at your silly jokes when I was low. You were there when I was happy, cannot really ever thank you enough for the anniversary celebrations. But you know what aches my heart- you never included me in any of your good-bad times.I know you don't really have bad times, TOUCHWOOD, I pray you never have to face them ever. I have had a lot and I know they suck big time. But what about your happy days? I guess you never gave it a thought to include me in them. Though you did make up for all of it later, but remember a heart once hurt can just be repaired, it cannot be made hurt less. The words you said sometimes hurt me a lot. Such words can just be forgiven and not forgotten. It hurts when I feel like some piece of shit. My presence acknowledged only when we are alone and rest of the time I am just a "Plan B". I have done all in my limit to walk past the walls that separated us and that includes my heart too. You know how much I loved him. It was very difficult to answer to myself when I was with you, but I think its me who has complicated my own life.Now the puzzled jigsaw just doesn't fall in place. Some pieces are missing and some just wrong :(
          I hate it when I really have to beg you to be with me and I hate it even more when trillions of times why requests go unheard. I hate it when my cell is silent all the time and I hate it even more when you talk to me coz you are free from other things. I am not going gaga over myself here but I always give you more importance than anything and anyone else. Everybody can see and understand this but for you! I do understand that there are other important things in your life, but am I not supposed to be one of them then? I understand that you can really prioritize and sort out stuff in your life really well, but am I not also a part of your life? And if I am not please be straight and tell me. Just  being with me when you want and then behaving as if I don't exist is only going to increase the distances, as if they are less now.I have already been hit with a brick once and broken my head and I think I am heading the same way again....

A letter

Hi A,
          How have you been? Life has really been miserable without you. I had never imagined myself without you, so I feel real strange when I put on that fake smile and show the world how magnificent my life is. No, its not that I am entirely sad, there are times and there are people who make me happy. I have "moved on" as they say, but I don't really understand where I am heading. Life was challenging, you know. It was only you who knew. You've seen me growing into a young lady from that brat into that understanding young lady. Your wings covered me from the rest of the world. I was so safe under your warm cover that the cold winds, though made me shiver but your love soon wrapped me in soft fleece blankets. You don't know how difficult it is for me to not reply to your calls and messages. You don't know how many tears I shed when I think of "US". It was never you and me, it was always "US"...
          I don't know why our paths separated, but I guess its for our own good. Your once warm cover has now thorns stuck into them and you are the one who pierced them. I bled tears and blood, but you were no where to see or understand them. I realize I was so dependent on you, but baby you did see me grow. So, you'd know that I can very well stand on my feet again, more  stone-hearted from memoirs of past but yes I am standing once again. I manage to smile once again, yes the tears seem out of control sometimes, but that's fine I guess.I know you repent on your mistakes now and that's good coz then you'll keep your partner to be real happy. But I don't want to be that partner. Not that I don't love you, I so much do. But the night mares I have been through don't let me look back. And if at times , I do look back, all I see is tears and the hatred glowing in your blood-red eyes.
          I don't know if I'd ever trust anyone else the way I trusted you... I loved you, I still do but...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Why I prefer my loneliness over company

          Strange enough and way beyond my understanding, I don't know why this is coming from me just today! I have been waiting to write this and that for so more than a fortnight now, but work pressure, shifting to a new place, water woes and commitments are keeping me far from signing in.. My bad entirely.
          Well, I love being alone, many of us do. It has its advantages. You do not have to be answerable to anyone. No need to tell where you went , with whom, what for,why you wore that dress, why you still wanna keep that old baggy t-shirt which make you look shabby, why don't you get a haircut, why the red nail paint sucks, why you should control your diet, why the added inches and multiplied kilos,why this and why not that.. the list can be never ending. Why can't we just stay alone in solace? Why did God want us to be social animals? Why do we constantly need someone to be by our side? Why is living alone difficult? Why do we love it when some one pampers us, why is it that words of love make us forget all the wrong some one did against us, why is it that just a look at the person we love makes us forget everything they had said or done to hurt us? Why can't our heart be like one solid stone? There are so many advantages of being alone, then why aren't we happy being alone. And why can't our happiness lie in what we prefer?
          So, when I know there are so many advantages of my loneliness, why do I still prefer company. I prefer being lonely and keep my sorrows and happiness to myself. Why is it wrong to do so? It may not be that I love to be alone but yes, I prefer and I am yet to ascertain why. 

Monday, July 9, 2012

Of bed bug and bites and bitten backs

                 So when she was told to forget her dreams and carve a new future that seemed oh so bright to her parents, she didn’t know what life had to show her. This is just one of those incidences when she would shed tears all alone and never tell anyone about it and later maybe share it over with a friend or a loved one over coffee and then think how boldly she had faced problems – all big and small.
                She never wanted to go away from her parents, her house and her child hood dreams. Her parents, like every other parent wanted her to be an engineer or doctor, and then once she is educated, they said, she could have a life of her own. So quite against her will, she moved on to a new life. She got this small room, a wardrobe she shared with her cousin, a small bed and a study table. She was happy and content as she saw the twinkle in her father’s eye as he left her to begin a new life. The first night at a home away from home brought her a medley of emotions – sad leaving her parents behind, happy to start a new life in a dream city, surprised, anxious and afraid!
               As she struggled to catch some sleep, she felt something bite her right shoulder. The pain advanced towards her back. When she finally got up making an effort to maintain the pin drop silence and turned on the lights, she could not bear the pain. She removed the bed sheets to see a thousand bed bugs on the mattress. She knew she could not wake up anyone else. As she stood in front of the mirror and saw her bitten back, her tears started flowing, more ferociously than the rain outside. Welcome to a new life!!

Growing up..

              As I rest myself alone in my room hearing the rain drops falling outside, I look at my palms.The lines all dark and embedded deep, they say these lines carve a future for me, something I never understood how. Strange, if lines had the power to carve my future, wouldn't I have a plastic surgeon style them in a way to bring all I want.

                As I look at myself in the mirror, I ask myself, ‘Have I grown up?'. Life is changing. I am no more the kid I was who wouldn't bother about what the world thinks. I have to think now that what I do or say does not hurt people. I can't simply restrict my life to school, studies, parents, friends and myself. There is so much more to it now. No more am I the fresher at office, who could have shyly smiled at seniors. With seniority comes responsibility and with responsibility, maturity. Situations make you dance on fingertips or maybe walk on burning coal, and you really do not have a choice. Cannot run as you are not a coward, so fight. And one day if you are tired, rest and stem back to life. No more is life around lollipops and Cadburys, neither is it about nail paints and lip balms any more. Strange, once upon a time the things which had the most importance have been left behind now.

                So, when my heart still stays young, the body ages and the mind matures. Unwanted worries, tensions, kilos, inches bother me. And they say this is life!!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Their story..

He writes..

I loved the way her eyelids fell and rose each time she blinked. I seemed to lose myself in the depth of her eyes. The pink tinge on her cheeks darkened each time she smiled. Her grace amused me.Her walk, her talk, the way her hair fell on her forehead, the way her finger tips lingered over the keyboard, the floral perfume she wore... She sat right next to me and I was usually lost whenever I saw her. I'd pinch myself back to reality then.Was I in love?? Weekends seemed to play havoc in my life, I couldn't see my angel. Monday blues were replaced by splendid Monday mornings when I'd await her arrivals.

It was a Monday morning. I'd been waiting for her. She dint come. Neither on Tuesday, nor on wednesday.. a whole week went by. I was so desperately waiting for her.Monday saw her in office before me. I saw her eyes red and swollen with lack of sleep. She was not cheery the way she usually is.Her smile, though still mysterious, did not convey happiness.When I finally convinced her for a coffee and asked her what the matter was, her tears started flowing. How much I wanted to kill every reason for her sorrow.She was pregnant and her boyfriend left her.My world seemed to have taken a 360 degrees stride. I dint know what to do.I asked her if she wanted to keep her kid. I told her I'd gleefully accept her and our baby. I wanted to marry her.I dint think about the world,all I knew was the infinite love I had for her. But she said she dint want the baby.We went through the medical procedure. It was we, not me and her.

It was painful for he and I couldn't see her in pain.As we battled with the pain and the afters,we found happiness in small things. Her smiles made me smile. She was the reason for my happy life. And then one day, from nowhere, dark clouds gathered. I was afraid. Her boyfriend was back, or should I say her ex-boyfriend. Wasn't I supposed to be her boyfriend. As she balanced her life between him being sorry and wanting her back in life and her being sorry to me, we started fighting.Heated exchange of words turned into ugly fights and before I knew my angel din't want me.She din't want to see me, din't want to talk to me.. Our small world was no more there.

Even today when we talk (yes, we do) her beauty still amazes me.Sometimes she says she wants to marry me and live the dream we had seen together.At other times she wants to go back to him. And there are yet other times, when she says she wants to be alone, wants to run away from everything around her.. I really don't know what to do.. I love her and want to be with her, the only thing which worries me is her indecisiveness. Should I consider this as a break up and move ahead, easier said than done, or should I just stand by her and meet her when she wants and leave her when she desires and leave the rest to fate..Help me God!!

She writes..

I love him.I love his touch.I love the feel of his skin against mine.How lightly my body sways against his, like milk flowing or like the leaves fluttering with the wind. Nothing really can come between us now, nothing will. As I break free in his arms and the moon shones on my bare skin, I feel I am complete.As I entangle my fingers with his, he says he loves me and will never leave me. Life is fantastic.

Next day I smile at everyone I meet.I wear my best clothes,dab my floral perfume (he loves it) and hurry up with my office work for that wonderful evening waiting for him.My fingertips seem to have some magic, the way I quickly work to be by him once more.Life is beautiful.Thankyou God!!

My -oh-God-why-did-you-make-me-a-girl- days come and go.I am worried, he says there's nothing to worry, but I know it is.As I get a kit and wait for the results, my worst fears come true. Positive, it reads.Till now he was standing with me, hiding me in his arms. Now he toughens up and tells me to see a doctor asap and abort. I agree for the abortion but not for his toughening up.He leaves.. Its been a week, I dint go to office, he dint receive my calls, din't reply to my messages. I don't know what to do.

I go to office the following Monday.A colleague asks me about my wellbeing. I tears give way.I tell him everything. I don't know why.He stands by me, takes me to a doctor, helps me through everything.I am so thankful to him. I owe him my life.But I cannot forget my boyfriend.My new friend says he wants to marry me. I met his parents, they are so happy with me.Everybody is pampering me, I know he'd keep me happy but how do I forget my first love.How do I forget the way he made me complete.

I dont know what to do.I so much wanna be in the arms of my lover, but I owe this new friend my life. I am stuck.What do I do? Do I jsut run away and leave everything on fate, or do I just get married to this new guy or do I answer my ringing cell phone,my lover is calling..

'Meri jaan, meri jaan

Meri jaan tu ye bata,

Khud se karun wafa, ya tujhse karun....'


Tele communication today is already touching the clouds.

Hope there was a device to talk to people in heaven, wonderful wouldn't it be ??

Get an Sirji!!

Monday Morning!!

What a fantastic Monday morning, I have to say... Not that Monday blues don't bother me, but today morning is an exception. Enjoyed a lazy alarm snooze, did not get up till the last sleepy tide was out of my eyes. Had a warm bath after a long time. No electricity and scarcity of water had given way to quick 5-mug-cold-water-baths, so loved the feeling of warm water on my body. The violet and litchi shower gel [from Avon, check out the what to buy post!! Will soon update it] is surprisingly mild and relieving. I swayed to the tunes of "woofer tu meri ,mai tera amplifier..' and mused at the lyrics while getting ready followed by 'kyun khoye khoye chaand ki firaaq me , talaash me...' Love the lines, 'aaj haath tham lo ek haath ki kami khali'. Splendid Music!! Wow!! feeling so good. The atmosphere is awesome, cloudy with some slight drizzling!!
Happy Monday people!! Am already loving it!!

Moments to cherish!

 When Veer was really little and wanted to nap he would climb in my lap and hold onto my neck. In a sitting position and holding me tight, h...