Monday, December 12, 2016

Another year....

Yet another year without you,
Yet another year yearning for you,
Yet another year trying to reach out to you,
Yet another unsuccessful attempt,
Yet another tear,
Yet another frown..

Little did I know that time doesn't heal,
Little did I know that the years couldn't make me strong..
Little did I know that growing up meant not having you to be with me,
If I was aware,
If I would have known,
I would have surely run away long before you could leave me.

I still dial your cell number - the first ever I learnt.. just to be greeted with an unwelcome voice.
I still look for you in the crowd,
Waiting to be hugged,
Waiting to  be told it will be fine again...
Waiting to hide behind you and never have to face all the issues and problems..
Waiting to smile without worries...
Waiting to be that lil' girl of your's again

But the wait just doesn't end Papa,
It just doesn't...
It doesn't change - we no more feel complete..
I cry on every song we've sung together..
I cringe on every memory
The longing in my eyes doesn't cease to end..

You did not go alone Papa, you took so much with you..
And it 's never gonna be the same without you..

They hurt me Dad, they make me cry..
I stand and fight..
They don't understand why I am the way I am..
Why I don't understand hatred..
Coz you never taught me this...
You loved me in a way that I always felt like the princess of my little world..
Tears would roll even on raised decibels..

You protected me from anything and everything...
But everything is so scary now...
Life has become a maze,where nobody stands by me to love me..
They just wanna have their way Papa...
No smiles are valued, no tears are looked after...

Why did you have to go?
Why did you leave?
I wanna come back in the warmth of our home..
Come back to you Papa...
I always fought all my wars with you by my side,
Now it's too much to be fighting without you Papa...

I wanna talk to you..
Wanna ask you what I do next...
Sometimes breathing without you in the wide world also becomes difficult..
I try being strong - the way you wanted me to be..
But there is a hole, a void... that moment everyday when I cannot control my tears..
When I eagerly wait for you to come home...
For you, mom, kiddo and I sit together and share our day...
For you to make me feel more special than kiddo and then mom to take his side...

I do not wanna live by our memories.. I wanna create new ones with you..
Why are you so stubborn to not come back to us?
Since when did you learn being angry with us?
How has it been possible for you to not talk to us for all these years?
Is it this hard for you too?
Do you also sit back sometimes and think about our lives together...
Is it difficult for you too to control your tears from falling?
Do you also make a tough face for the world but break inside?
Questions but no answers...


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