Sunday, July 29, 2012

Another letter

Hi Sunshine,
          I will be so thankful to you all my life for lifting me up from the closet I had packed myself into and once again giving me a reason to smile, so what i it was short lived. You chose to be by my side when I was travelling the lonely path. You motivated me each time and mustered in me the strength I needed to get back on track, but alas in the motivation you provided to me, you also gave me a colder heart. Don't really blame you and her for what happened, I understand alcohol works its magic and it did!
          I know you know my past and I am glad that you still stood by me. Really less people do that, or so I guess.You've always been there to cry with me when I cried and make me laugh at your silly jokes when I was low. You were there when I was happy, cannot really ever thank you enough for the anniversary celebrations. But you know what aches my heart- you never included me in any of your good-bad times.I know you don't really have bad times, TOUCHWOOD, I pray you never have to face them ever. I have had a lot and I know they suck big time. But what about your happy days? I guess you never gave it a thought to include me in them. Though you did make up for all of it later, but remember a heart once hurt can just be repaired, it cannot be made hurt less. The words you said sometimes hurt me a lot. Such words can just be forgiven and not forgotten. It hurts when I feel like some piece of shit. My presence acknowledged only when we are alone and rest of the time I am just a "Plan B". I have done all in my limit to walk past the walls that separated us and that includes my heart too. You know how much I loved him. It was very difficult to answer to myself when I was with you, but I think its me who has complicated my own life.Now the puzzled jigsaw just doesn't fall in place. Some pieces are missing and some just wrong :(
          I hate it when I really have to beg you to be with me and I hate it even more when trillions of times why requests go unheard. I hate it when my cell is silent all the time and I hate it even more when you talk to me coz you are free from other things. I am not going gaga over myself here but I always give you more importance than anything and anyone else. Everybody can see and understand this but for you! I do understand that there are other important things in your life, but am I not supposed to be one of them then? I understand that you can really prioritize and sort out stuff in your life really well, but am I not also a part of your life? And if I am not please be straight and tell me. Just  being with me when you want and then behaving as if I don't exist is only going to increase the distances, as if they are less now.I have already been hit with a brick once and broken my head and I think I am heading the same way again....

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