Of Love and lust...
- My first hand at fiction writing
I feel sick. Come home from office early. Not able to cook, order food. You call. Want to have dinner together. I am already hurt. You do not have time for me. It has been two days, she is with you. You are not coming to office, helping her shop. You don’t remember I had an appointment with the doctor. I cancel the order, pop in an aspirin and dress up. There you are, with her. I feel like the third person. As we head to the pizza joint, I see how you compliment her. You know her best song and her favorite recipe. You know what she loves and what she hates. And why not I think to myself, she is your best friend. As time passes I feel sick physically - the aspirin doesn’t seem to ease me and emotionally - you make me feel like an emotional fool. Why am I even here?
As you go bonkers over her, she is simply uninterested, as her friend has just stepped in. Now you have all eyes on me. Stupid me, I am happy to get your attention. As the clock ticks, I thank God the day is ending. You ask me to stay back. I do not want to. I get a sunken feeling inside. Why can’t you understand, fever has taken me in its stride. When I'd rather be in the laps of a sweet sleep, I am here with you, hearing her shopping chronicles. As you laugh on jokes better known to yourself, I so much want to leave you both together, to yourself. You request me again to stay back, I do not want to, but I decide I will. We head home. She wants to freshen up. You park your car some distance and wait for her. I get a call from you; it is too dark for her to reach your car alone. It hurts me, I am not insane and I would not anyways leave her alone. I see you flash your million-dollar smile when you see me come with my bag. Stupid me forgot everything the evening had shown me.
As we reach your place, she decides to have vodka to celebrate your friendship.You force me, when you know I would not drink. As you gulp glass after glass, you entirely forget the world around you. The journey from intertwined fingers to touching shoulders to hugs and pecks on cheeks doesn’t take much time. I watch, quietly. As ice cubes continue to be unloaded from the trays, you slip one down her neck. A silent tear washes my cheek. I get up and wash my face to hide it. I now know I can hide my tears from you. That is it I decide, but I know I can't venture out. I pray for the sun to rise, but the moon has more to offer.. The drink makes both of you nauseous. As you hold each other and you fall into the arms of sleep, you rest on her bosom. Picture perfect. Two lovers meeting after a long time. Enough of the torture for me though!! I hit the bed to rest my sleep-deprived body. Better sleep alone than see more of your budding love.You enter the room with her. I keep one of the corners of the double bed. It makes me feel secure. As expected, she takes the other and to my dismay, you enjoy the center location. As you talk and the distances seem to end, I pray for sleep. She is asleep now. You head towards me. I feel like a slut. Don't want you even near me. Your hurt male ego advances towards her and both of you sleep in each other's arms. Not that I care now. Sleep doesn't come to me. My body is aching. Warm tears flush down my cheeks. The sun rises.
You take me in your arms and obviously her too. I get up to leave. You show me the gift she gave you, something you loved. I had promised I would buy it for you. You dint let me. It hurts me even more. I know am not as beautiful as she is and neither as rich, so I decide to walk out of your life. I confront you. Your tears start flowing. I forget everything. I love you. As I return from the shower, I see her wrapped in your arms on the bed. No doubt you were drawn to her towel clad body, can’t blame you for it. Your tears spoke a different story, my eyes show me something totally different....
Past now, we move ahead in life. You say I hurt your and her friendship by thinking all this. You say you are not able to talk to her. You feel bad. What I feel doesn’t count, does it? I tell you to continue talking to her as I don’t have a problem. You say she is your best friend. I trust you. Life goes on. I see you talking to her. You have that million-dollar smile again. I love it, so I don’t say anything. I see you talking yet again. Before curiosity kills the cat, I ask about her. You say you dint talk for a long time. You felt bad about what I had said about your pure relation. I don’t question you again.
You want our relation to take a step ahead. I gear up to say "yes" as I am ready to forget the past and move on. There have been millions of fantastic moments together. Cannot forget them for one bad memory. You are talking to her again, you said you did not. I see the smile I love, but can’t take in any more lies. Please be with her. She makes you happy. I am not able to distinguish between love and lust... I don’t want to.. Let me be... I never stopped you from talking to her, then why lie to me? You say you do not owe me an explanation, when did I ask you to explain. I hate you but I hate myself more for loving you….